I believe hope is eternal. It is not something that can be given and taken away. I will always have faith in what I believe in. I will never lose hope. There is always a chance. Everything is a choice. No politician can rise up and say, "I am here. You may hope now." I believe hope is mine.

There is always hope.

I love the Bridge Service at my church. It is a contemporary worship service. We sing and pray together as a community. The Bridge brings me peace. I come closest to God and spiritual fulfillment when I am there. That said, today was the first time in two years I have attended that service. While there is nothing I love more than my church, no one has wounded me so badly as my church has. I loved it there. For years I was one of the most active members. I came to church at least twice a week, and I wrote for the church newsletter. I was confirmed as a memeber with about a half dozen of my closest friends. Church was my passion and my life. For a long time, I even considered a career as a youth leader in my future. I learned quickly, however, that nothing lasts forever. The church released the director of children's ministries. Then we lost three youth leaders in a row as well as four pastors. Within less than a year, the people I used to know stopped coming. I lost my church community. It is rare for me to even speak to those girls anymore. Going to the Bridge is a mixed bag for me. I come back and a few people remember and greet me warmly, but most just ignore me. So much can change in a year; it is almost more than I can bear.

I have decided something. People don't need someone to pat them on the back as they walk past. They don't need someone to commend them for at least trying when they fail. What people really need is to have a person in their lives who really cares. Someone who can say, "You are important, and this matters to me. You haven't been doing well lately, and I noticed it. We both know you are capable of so much more. What is wrong? How can I help you fix this?" We don't need commended for not doing well. We need reminded that we are able to be better than the person we are. We also need that person to be ready to help us get to the best version of ourselves. Someone who wants us to be the best we can actually be, not the best we think we can be. Of course, who would be this person for us? And which of us can be that person for someone else? Therein lies the fall.

Today I realized that I should not be in love. What good has loving ever done me? I just get my poor mangled heart broken over and over again. I suppose one day, that the shattered pieces of my heart will simply refuse to knit themselves back together. "Enough!" They will say. "We cannot take this any longer. Please, just let us lie here, broken and bleeding on the floor. We can no longer live like this." Maybe they will be right. Maybe I should just let them fall to pieces. After all, what are the odds that I will find my "boy with a glue gun" to stick them back together. If I have one soulmate in a world of 6 billion souls, will I ever find him? I doubt it. And yet, is it not worth the risk? Perhaps I will continue to have my heart broken, but maybe, just maybe, I will find the other half of my soul. If loving people is wrong of me, then perhaps it is as they say. I don't want tobe right.